Breaking News – Kerry Apologizes

Today, the devil’s minions are busy putting out Ice freezes all over hell. Apparently, an ice-onist is responsible for the fact that hell is indeed freezing over. All evidence is pointing to John Kerry. We go now live to hell for this late breaking report from CJ:

CJ: Patriot thank you so much. Less than 24 hours after the Senator from Massachusettes, John Kerry, made this statement…[cut to audio]

“I apologize to no one!”

CJ:…he’s changed his tune. Apparently, he voted to not apologize BEFORE voting to apologize, according to sources that I’ve made up. This comment has created quite the fervor here in hell, Patriot, as you can imagine.

Satan’s minions can be heard writhing in pain, screaming “why, John, why? We had a good thing going, John!” An emergency meeting among the top Devilish staffers was immediately called to decide whether or not John Kerry’s tenure in hell should be relooked after his comments today: “I personally apologize to any service member, family member, or American who was offended.” Among the attendees was Senator Kennedy.

Back to you, Patriot, in the ASP studios. It’s hot down here, but getting colder by the minute.

5 Comments on “Breaking News – Kerry Apologizes

  1. I too feel that though Kerry kinda sorta apologized, his apology was NOT sincere at all. The only reason he did so, was obvious……. public outrage over his callous disregard for our troops and the sacrifices they make each and every day.

  2. Hey 1111111111:

    Face it…the man screwed up, and now you have to choke on it.
    Your types can’t make one campaign speech without mentioning Bush’s name.

    Clue: He’s not running for anything.
    Clue #2: He doesn’t continualy disrespect the troops.

    Time to put an agenda forward that doesn’t include the words “we hate bush”, because people are expecting more than just that. Why do you think you lost your ass in the past three election cycles?

    Buy a clue, or you’ll be left to sit where you are right now, in the corner, drool dripping down your chin, while you rock back and fourth in the fetal position, wondering where the meaning in your life went.

  3. Better than anything you’d hear from bush. He never apologizes. Wether or not it was a good apology, at least he regrets and says he IS wrong about something, another thing you don’t get out of bush.

  4. Yeah…he apologized. But, I’m guessing he thinks our military isn’t able to un-parse his words. Read carefully:

    [quote]”As a combat veteran, I want to make it clear to anyone in uniform and to their loved ones: my poorly stated joke at a rally was not about, and never intended to refer to any troop,” Kerry said in a statement published on his Web site.

    Kerry said he regrets that his words “were misinterpreted to wrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform, and I personally apologize to any service member, family member, or American who was offended.”[/quote]

    He – regrets – HIS WORDS – were misinterpreted to wrongly imply….

    This is basically saying:
    I’m not sorry for what I said…I’m just sorry it was placed under a spotlight for all the world to see.

    He’s counting on the military to not read between those lines.

    He then says:

    “It is clear the Republican Party would rather talk about anything but their failed security policy. I don’t want my verbal slip to be a diversion from the real issues.”

    So….basically, anyone who wishes to discuss the disrespect shown to our troops, is being diversionary, and not sticking to campaign issues.

    Well…Forgive us Sen. Kerry…some of us actually give a damn about our military.

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