Updated on January 15, 2006
Toy Hostages (Updated)
The lead story blared “Web Site Claims GI Hostage in Iraq?” Just looking at the picture made me laugh like crazy. I’ll post pictures when I get home from work. (I found a picture of the same figure online. Here’s the link.)
“Hey, I have one of those,” was my first thought. The insurgents have resorted to taking toys hostage and dressing them to look like real soldiers. I guess the recent elections have affected their morale more than we can ever imagine. Heck, they couldn’t even find a miniature AK to stick to his head? Who uses those magazines in their M4’s anyway? No one in this man’s Army. I think that the insurgents should to the right Muslim thing and at least provide “John Adam” with a Barbie to keep himself occupied while he awaits his “beheading.”
You know, the insurgents might be on to something. After they behead the “GI” they can put it back on later, change his clothes, and threaten to behead him again, releasing another photo through the press that they had captured yet another “GI.” With some really good airbrushes, you could change his nationality.
I suggest they find a similarly scaled HMMWV and burn it with a lighter or set it on fire next to the Barbie mansion and use that for their propaganda as well. They could have a photo of her with her hands covering her mouth in horror reacting to the news of the death of her “husband.” I can’t wait to see the claymation beheading of “Adam.” It’s like a cool web-exclusive movie.
Oh, oh! …and then have the other Special Forces dolls rappelling from a helicopter (held up with fishing line so as to be invisible) and the insurgent Gumby dolls can repel their ambush and be victorious again. It’s good to know that the insurgents have resorted to playing with dolls. At least they’re learning valuable social skills like getting along with others and using their imagination.
This just in, Jennifer has just been confirmed kidnapped and is being held at an undisclosed location at the second house on Al Kindi Street in central Baghdad, next to the pharmacy. Here is a picture if you have any information leading the purchase of another one.
Until Geppetto prays for “John Adam” to become a real boy, I’ll sign off as……